First Impressions with First Lines

boy reading a book

Once upon a time

. . . it was tradition to begin a story with those words. Today's reader will accept that opening only for a certain type of story. Other types of stories need a different style of opening. But regardless of the genre or style of fiction, the beginning of the book is critical. In fact, often readers will pick up a book at the library or store and read the first few paragraphs before taking the book home. If the first lines grab the reader, the book goes home. On the other hand, if the first lines of the book make the reader go 'bleh ' the book is put down and never opened again.

If you 've written and rewritten first lines and first chapters of your book, trying to achieve that perfect first impression and are still struggling to create a great opening, it 's time to step away from the manuscript for a little study session.

Studying First Lines

For our purposes here, I 'm going to arbitrarily define the opening of the story as the first 100 words. In my personal quest for a great opening, I chose to study the first five pages of ten of favorite novels. Obviously the first five pages of ten different novels would make for a very long post. So today we 'll stick to just two examples.

Below are the openings of two of my favorite novels. Take a moment and read them, three times. Read once as a reader. Next, read it aloud. Finally, read it as a writer.


    by Frank Herbert, Ace Books 1965

    In the weeks before their departure to Arrakis, when all the final scurrying about had reached a nearly unbearable frenzy, an old crone came to visit the mother of the boy, Paul.
    It was a warm night at Castle Caladan, and the ancient pile of stone that had served the Atreides family as home for twenty-six generations bore that cooled-sweat feeling it acquired before a change in the weather.
    The old woman was let in by the side door down the vaulted passage by Paul’s room and she was allowed a moment to peer in at him where he lay in his bed.

In three lines of Dune, Frank Herbert has given us a location, a life-changing event, a main character, and a mysterious presence. He created tension, a sense of foreboding, and a sense that something momentous is about to happen. Are you hooked? I sure am.

Read this passage aloud. Notice the rhythm, the cadence of his words. Notice the sound and feel of the words: Arrakis, scurrying, crone, Castle Caladan, ancient, Atreides.

Notice it’s final scurrying and unbearable frenzy. Did you catch the references to change? What else did you notice?

Okay. Let’s try another passage from another book.

    Seventh Son

    by Orson Scott Card, Tor 1987
    Little Peggy was very careful with the eggs. She rooted her hand through the straw till her fingers bumped something hard and heavy. She gave no never mind to the chicken drips. After all, when folk with babies stayed at the roadhouse, Mama never even crinkled her face at their most spetackler diapers. Even when the chicken drips were wet and stringy and made her fingers stick together, little Peggy gave no never mind. She just pushed the straw apart, wrapped her hand around the egg, and lifted it out of the brood box. All this while standing tiptoe on a wobbly stool, reaching high above her head.

In this 108 words by Orson Scott Card there is a strong sense of character, of the roadhouse, of the society in which little Peggy lives. I like Peggy. Do you? Do you want to know more about her? Can you feel the straw and the sticky eggs? Can you see the wobbly stool with little Peggy reaching for the nests? Do you want to know what happens next?

Now, look for what each of the opening passages above have in common. Both of the examples have a strong sense of character, of place, and each evoke a mood that promises something is about to happen.

Armed with this information I can now go back to my manuscript. I know the elements I need in my story and I can re-craft my opening to make the first words count.

Now it's your turn.

Copy the openings of your favorite books into your word processor or journal or onto a piece of paper. Study those openings.

Read the passages aloud. Listen to the cadence, the rhythm of the words. Look for character, place, time, mood, and foreshadowing. Notice words that pique your interest.

While reading the beginning lines of one of your favorites, ask yourself questions about each individual passage. Why this character? Why this location? Why now? How does it make me feel?

Then return to your manuscript. Look for what it has in common with your favorite books. Strength those things and I'll bet you will have a much stronger beginning. In fact, you may even craft first lines that your reader will favorite.

Thank you for reading. I'd love to hear from you. Won't you share what your favorite first lines are and why?