A February That Broke My Heart Forever

This was a February that broke my heart forever. If you read my post “A Grievous Loss and a New Life Journey,” you know why. My husband’s death deeply affected me and changed my all goals.

Graphic image of tree with bubbled identifying goals, strategy, marketing, etc. This past month my goals were shattered because I had a February that broke my heart forever.

Making

As things turned out, I worked on the manuscript fifteen days this month. If I Should Die’s revision draft saw five chapters completed. And I published six blog posts.

This is far below my goals for this month. And it’s more than okay. I’m pleased I got that much done under the circumstances.

Managing

There is little that I completed in the managing section. A friend helped me update my website when I couldn’t look at it. I listened to a few podcasts—thank goodness I took notes or I wouldn’t remember a word. And that’s okay, too.

Marketing

Word cloud including sales, landing page, and digital marketing. This past month my marketing plans were unfulfilled because I had a February that broke my heart forever.

Fortunately, I could continue Amazon marketing efforts. I had plans to do more, but it’s okay. The ads already running produced a few sales, which were a bright spot in an otherwise dreadful month.

Home

The doctor’s and nurses at Advent Health Shawnee Mission Hospital were caring and professional. Every member of the Hospice team was extraordinarily compassionate.

A death causes a lot of paperwork and a lot of telephone calls. I didn’t know where to begin. The Hospice social worker shared a link to AARP’s “Checklist of What to Do When A Loved One Dies.” It has been immensely helpful.

In between tasks, emotional reactions surge and wane. So I’ve made a lot of phone calls, consolidated some things, and gotten some laundry done. And I’m calling that a win.

What I Learned

Lessons have been many and few at the same time. Weird, right?
My lessons have been many about life and death. But few about writing, marketing, or managing a writing career.
And I’ve learned how many warm and caring friends I have. Thank you one and all from the deepest part of me.

Next Month

Image of a laptop, cell phone, notebook and pen, and a cup of coffee. It was a February I'll Never Forget and my plans for March are tenuous.

It won’t be business as usual for a long while. I’ve new personal tasks I must accomplish. And I’m adjusting to a new life role, a new life situation. It’s a lot.

So I’m not making goals for the month. I’ll make goals each night for the next day. They’ll be small goals. Goals I believe I can accomplish.

Finally, I’m going to focus on learning to ask for help when I need it. That will not be easy for me. Not only because I’ve been fiercely independent, but because I don’t know what I need. It’s something I’m going to have to learn after a February that broke my heart forever. And though my heart is broken, know that doesn’t mean _I_ am broken. I will travel this road of grief and I will continue writing. Because that’s what he would want. Because that is who I am.

2 thoughts on “A February That Broke My Heart Forever

  1. I’m amazed you’re blogging given what you’re going through. I know I wouldn’t be able to. Hopefully it’s comforting to you. Good call on goals – the writing will be there when you’re ready to get back to it. {{hugs}}

    1. Thank you, Jennette. We each grieve in our own ways. I’m able to blog, to write a little because I would feel worse if I didn’t. Just putting one foot in front of the other right now.

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