I’m Stronger than I Thought

In January, I had strong intentions for the quarter, but I anticipated very little of what happened and my plans went awry. My life and my writing feel like a jumble of puzzle pieces that don’t fit where they used to fit. It’s the end of the first quarter of 2021 and it’s time to evaluate what I’ve accomplished and where to go from here. And the biggest lesson learned over the past three months is that I’m stronger than I thought. Making Unsurprisingly, revisions of If I Should Die are off course. Only six chapters farther than I was at the end of January is disappointing. I made adjustments to the timeline, which meant shifting chapters around. When I revise a novel, it’s like doing a giant jigsaw puzzle that get’s redrawn in the middle of my efforts. (Does that make sense?) Creative thinking takes more energy than blogging. For both, I struggle with focus and energy, but focusing on writing a blog post is easier because of its length. Managing A friend helped me keep the website updated during February. Since then, I’ve maintained the website. Focusing on the rewrite and blogging, the managing area of my business […]

A February That Broke My Heart Forever

This was a February that broke my heart forever. If you read my post “A Grievous Loss and a New Life Journey,” you know why. My husband’s death deeply affected me and changed my all goals. Making As things turned out, I worked on the manuscript fifteen days this month. If I Should Die’s revision draft saw five chapters completed. And I published six blog posts. This is far below my goals for this month. And it’s more than okay. I’m pleased I got that much done under the circumstances. Managing There is little that I completed in the managing section. A friend helped me update my website when I couldn’t look at it. I listened to a few podcasts—thank goodness I took notes or I wouldn’t remember a word. And that’s okay, too. Marketing Fortunately, I could continue Amazon marketing efforts. I had plans to do more, but it’s okay. The ads already running produced a few sales, which were a bright spot in an otherwise dreadful month. Home The doctor’s and nurses at Advent Health Shawnee Mission Hospital were caring and professional. Every member of the Hospice team was extraordinarily compassionate. A death causes a lot of paperwork […]

A Grievous Loss and a New Life Journey

Why have I been absent from blogging? I’ve had a grievous loss and a new life journey to travel. My husband, Robert W. Burrows, died on February 10th. His death was quick and unexpected, though we’d been expecting it for years. Prepared Yet Unprepared When death comes, no matter how prepared you think you are—it’s unexpected. First, there’s a kind of numbness. Then a deep sharp twisting unrelenting pain. Grief is uncomfortable and messy and an overwhelming tidal wave. When a loved one dies, you go through the motions of daily life, find paperwork, eat, and sleep— if you can. You have moments when you feel almost normal then a small thing, often a ridiculous thing, triggers a tsunami of emotions. One friend likened this to walking through a field peppered with landmines. For me it feels like I’m trying to swim to shore—one wave carries me closer to solid ground and the next one slaps me down to the bottom of the ocean, drags me through the sand and silt, spins me in circles until I don’t know up from down, and drags me further from shore than I’ve ever been before. And yet, sometimes I make it close […]