In this Month of Love–Love Yourself

I was in a dark place. My marriage had failed. The separation and divorce tattered my son’s self-esteem. My writing had stalled and I had horrible nightmares. I was the most worthless person I knew (second only to my ex). Self-love was selfish, or so I thought. I wish someone had told child me, “love yourself.” It took years of therapy and self-examination to learn that self-love isn’t selfish. I was lucky. I could afford therapy and by the luck of the draw, I found some good therapists. Back then I had one thing going for me, I was determined. Determined to be the best mom I could be for my son, I knew I had to work on me. The Struggle It was a terrible struggle. Feelings of worthlessness, self-loathing, mistrust, and shame filled me with negativity. I hid most of those feelings from the people around me. That good old Puritan work ethic flowed through me. I plowed through the work day, the housework, and the Monday through Friday life stuff. Every other weekend my son went to his father’s house and I crumpled into a tearful, self-loathing mess. I feared I was going crazy. My therapist made […]

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of 2018

It’s the end of the year. Time for the annual review of the past twelve months and judge the good, the bad, and the ugly of 2018. Or is that just me? The Good, The Bad, The Ugly of 2018 Blog Posts The best and worst of my blog posts for 2018 didn’t actually surprise me. The least visited, liked, and commented upon (rightfully so) was You Might Be An Alien. Hmm, maybe I am not as funny as I think I am. Lesson learned. lol The ten posts that received the most likes include: Book Cover Reveal: My Soul to Keep Lessons from 2017 and Strategies for 2018 If you can dream it, you can do it My Dear Old Dog Summer Vacation: Terror in a Tent Part I Summer Vacation: Terror in a Tent Part II Be the Master of Your Time Your Valentine’s Day Survival Guide I am Disappointed but Not Discouraged How to Keep Your Writing Alive in A Family Crisis The blog post with the most page views, likes, and comments was: Book Cover Reveal: My Soul to Keep. My page visits, likes, and comments are massively improved over last year. For that I have you, my […]

What Is Bad Will Be Better Tomorrow

In my year-end review process I go through my old journals to get a sense of where I was last year and five years ago. It helps me to see what my goals were, what I’ve accomplished, and where my goals changed.  This year something I wrote five years ago, caught my attention. I don’t remember the details but can read between the lines. I had said something out loud about my dream of being a successful writer and it paralyzed me for a while. It’s been a rough year–again. But the little free verse that I wrote five years ago speaks to me today about more than my writing. What is bad, will be better tomorrow. I Dreamed and was Afraid I dreamed aloud today. I boasted of my writing abilities. And I grew afraid. I’m not that good. And I wasn’t. I dreamed a quiet dream. And I whispered I will try. And still I was afraid. But I tried. And words meandered across the page. I stopped dreaming. And I wrote. I was still afraid. But I did it anyway. And words marched and plodded and stumbled and fell. It wasn’t that good. But it was getting better. […]