Look Hate in the Face and Love

As a writer, I try to write truthfully. Not the Truth, but a truth. Each of us carries the Truth and a truth our entire lives. The Truth, in my mind, is something factual or scientific. A truth is the real experience of an individual. Perception plays a large part in a truth but that does not negate it. So as a writer, I research people who hate so I can write their truth. And in doing that, I discover I must look hate in the face and love that character. When I look deeper? I must look hate in the face and love. Period.

Look hate in the face and love-- fact plus perception equals truth

Truth or Fact

In philosophy, what I call Truth with a capital T is Fact. The use truth and fact as synonymous is misleading. Facts are inarguable. Fire is hot. It is a fact that fire is hot. My perception is also that fire is hot. But I also say my coffee is hot. This is partially fact and partially perception. If I spilled my freshly made coffee onto my hand, it would scald me. Therefore, my coffee is hot is a fact. But I like my coffee with a little cream and I wait several minutes before I taste it. I taste it and say, “ooh, that’s hot.” If you are someone who likes to drink it at nearly scalding temperatures, my coffee would not be hot to you. It’s still hot, but this is where perception comes in. (If you would like to read more about the difference between truth and fact, go here. )

Why do I bring this up? Because I’ve been researching for the next novel in my series, My Soul to Keep. I’ve been researching to create a history or backstory for some of my characters. Some of these characters have backgrounds quite different from mine. Some of these characters do hateful things. When things are outside of my experience, I research. This research is necessary because of my belief in the truth. 

Since truth is partly perspective, I cannot deliver the truth in my writing if I do not understand the other person’s perspective. Or, to put it another way, the other person’s truth. 

Experience Colors Perceptions

As a former nurse, I have interacted with people of all financial backgrounds, skin colors, religious beliefs, and sexual practices. Often, the people I interacted with were at their worst—they hurt because they or their loved one was sick or injured or dying. I think of myself as a tolerant person who wholeheartedly believes in equality regardless of skin color, religious beliefs, sexual practices, or any of the other nonsense that people use to divide us. However, I have observed these things as an outsider. My life experiences are pretty narrow. I’m white and female and have never been desperately poor or outrageously rich. 

As I’ve done my research into the experiences of persons other than myself, I am again caught up in how much perspective influences us. On how narrowly we see the world—even when we THINK we see it truthfully.

A Different Perspective

Do you ever speak of childhood experiences fondly with someone else out in public? Or get excited about something as a child and lapse into childish or family nicknames you rarely use in public? Were you chastised or complimented for speaking English? No? This is an experience of Americans whose childhood is full of non-English memories. And it’s happened to Americans whose last names sound “foreign” or whose skin color isn’t white. 

  • Were you denied a home loan because your last name was an ethnic one?
  • Have you been told that because of your skin color, you cannot have health insurance?
  • Were you surgically sterilized because “your type” shouldn’t have babies?
  • Do you look illegal? Or poor? Or UnAmerican?
  • Have you been told that “your kind” don’t belong here?

A simple search will find a ton of information about racism. Here is a sample of what I’ve read lately: Hispanic Racism here and here. For more about Black Racism read this article. And for Asian Racism start here.

This list could go on and on, but I’ll stop here. Please research before you complain about “reverse racism” or say that racism isn’t that big of a deal. Look for a truth other than yours.

The questions above hurt me. It hurts that anyone has ever been so bullied and terrorized and abused. I wish I could say racism doesn’t happen anymore. But it happens ever single day. It happens not just in America, but since America is my home, it’s where it hurts me most. So I will attempt to write characters true to their perceptions. I will look hate in the face and love because the only antidote to hate is love. 

14 Quotes that Will Feed You Courage

Fear triggers our survival response, fight or flight. That makes it one powerful emotion. So powerful it can overwhelm—it can freeze us. Fight, flight, or freeze. But sometimes fear isn’t real. Today, we don’t have a saber tooth tiger on on tail but fear still dogs us. Are you Frozen with Fear? Here are 14 quotes that will feed you courage.

One of 14 Quotes to feed you courage over the image of a footbridge fading into the fog.

Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fear Is a Liar

Fear can be essential to our survival but fear is a sneaky devil. It can pick on something small, inconsequential. But it builds slowly. It raises our pulse, makes our palms clammy, our breathing ragged, our bowels feel loose, we CAN. NOT. MOVE. At least that’s what fear tells us. 

Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.


Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.

~Rudyard Kipling

Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.

~Brene Brown

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.

~Helen Keller

Fear is 100% dependent on you for its survival.

~Steve Maraboli

Discover Your Courage

Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out.

~Karl Augustus Menninger

Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.

~ Japanese Proverb

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.

~ Unknown

You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.

~Dale Carnegie
One of 14 Quotations that will feed you courage over a pink and lavender sky with wispy clouds.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.

~Mark Twain

One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.

~Henry Ford

The key to growth is acknowledging your fear of the unknown and jumping in anyway.

~Jen Sincero

I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear.

~Oprah Winfrey

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

~Jack Canfield

Take Action

Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it… that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear.

~Dale Carnegie

Laughter is poison to fear.

~ George R.R. Martin

Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow.

But any action is better than no action at all.

~Norman Vincent Peale

“Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not.”

 ~Virgil Thomson

Sometimes, even though you know it’s unfounded, the fear gets too big to handle alone.

Be Free

One of 14 quotes that will feed you courage over an image of the silhouette of a Greek olympian holding a wreath up in the air against gray clouds with sunlight bursting through.

He who has overcome his fears will truly be free.


If you need more information about fear, read Psychology Today’s article, Fear. Those of you in the UK may want to read Mental Health’s article, How to Overcome Fear and Anxiety. Or you can read some of my posts:

Are you Frozen with Fear? The 14 Quotes that will feed you courage above may not be all you need to overcome your fears. But it’s a start. Recognize your fears. You are courageous. Get help if you need it. Face your fears and they’ll start to shrink. 

Always Remember 9/11

Today is the eighteenth anniversary of the terrorist attacks of September 11th 2001. Always remember 9/11.

Terrorists flew planes into the World Trade Center’s twin towers in New York City and into the Pentagon. A third plane crashed in Pennsylvania. Its passengers, aware of what had happened, fought back and sacrificed their lives. 

Image of one of the memorial fountains at the former site of the World Trade Center--Always Remember 9/11

Photo of one of the memorial fountains at the former site of the World Trade Center by Saschaporsche [CC BY-SA 3.0]

First responders selflessly struggled against impossible odds to help survivors and evacuate those in danger. Many first responders lost their lives, too. 

Thousands died that day. It was a day that changed America. Our sense of safety shattered. Our isolation from what happened overseas vanished.

Time is Relentless

Families were forever changed on that day. Witnesses near the Towers were also changed. Some have physical reminders—old injuries or chronic injuries from debris and dust. 

Time has claimed some of those who watched the Towers crumple.

For some eighteen years was a lifetime ago. They never saw that day. And unless the tragedies touched their families, they do not know or feel the solemness of the day. 

Memory Fades

The nation’s collective memory is fading. 

Thousands died. It didn’t matter what color their skin, what religion they did or didn’t follow, or what their sexual preference was. They died because they were Americans and America symbolized something evil to terrorists who’d sworn to kill and destroy what they could. 

That day, that week, that month random acts of love (RAOL) happened all over the nation. People offered hugs, water, even shirts off their own backs to strangers. They believed we would always remember 9/11.

What fickle creatures we human beings are. Eighteen years ago, America came together to comfort the grieving and to rally under a symbol, the flag of the United States of America. United being the operative word. We didn’t care what color of skin the victims had. Nor did we care about what sexual preferences or religions they practiced. They were Americans killed in an act of rage and terror. We grieved for them, hurt for them, drew together because of them. 

Unfortunately, we allowed that sense of unity to fade with our memories.

No Easy Answer

Our forefathers had a dream of freedom from tyranny. They succeeded. But they did not, could not, foresee all the changes and growth of the next couple of centuries. 

The United States of America is a nation of many colors, shapes, sizes, religions, and sexual preferences. There will be differences of opinions amongst us. There will be haters and lovers and everything in between. That is inevitable. It falls to the lovers to be bigger than the haters. To shun the hatred but not return it. The lovers must identify the haters but not lower themselves to the haters level with name calling. Remember, tough love means to not tolerate bad behavior but to unconditionally love the person. (This can be a challenge when behavior is extreme or evil.) Finally, the lovers must open their eyes to see what the haters see and work to heal those wounds.

None of those things are easy. All of those things take an enormous amount of strength and a lot of time. And that’s okay.

Image of the USA flag flying against a cloud studded blue sky--Always remember 9/11

While many of us fear for the security and integrity and future of the USA, it’s not defeated. Not if we always remember 9/11 and use love to heal the wounds and scars of our nation. Honor the memory of those we lost with random acts of love (RAOL) today.