Perfection is a trap. My first blog post, What False Comfort Zone Are You In? shared how my recognizing that trap had enabled me to go forward. Well, here I am again. Caught up in the perfect trap.
My day job requires that I am certified in PALS (pediatric advanced life support.) I have to re-certify every two years. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. I’m not.
To pass this certification one must understand the body’s physiologic response to various medical crises. You must pass a written test AND a re-enactment of several different crises.
Understand that these are things I have rarely had to do in the course of my career (and it ain’t short!). Some of the situations and activities I must re-enact are beyond my scope of practice.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There are good and reasonable reasons why I need to know these things. Many of my patients have medical conditions that are serious and can become life-threatening if not treated promptly and correctly. Not to mention that within the department are nurses who work in the recovery room where they must and DO recognize these medical crises. They work hand-in-hand with advanced nurse practitioners, respiratory therapists, and many other experts.
It’s performance anxiety, I tell myself. I am an introvert. Performing in front of others is not a natural nor comfortable state. In reality, I’m caught in a trap: seeking perfection. I so desperately want to know it all so that I can do it right that I needlessly saddle myself with much more work than is necessary.
Ah, perfectionism what is it, really? According to Dictionary.com it is “a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything else.” Well, what’s wrong with that? Perfectionism magnifies the importance of achieving that goal. Rationally, we know that perfect isn’t really possible. But we are going to kill ourselves to make it as perfect as possible. And a single-mindedness on achieving perfection can lead to procrastination (it’ll never be perfect so why try?), bullying (my way or the highway), and low self-esteem (I can’t ever get it right).
At its root, perfectionism often is acquired from parents who were perfectionists, or from parents who were hyper-critical or didn’t give you any feedback at all. It could be the result of a lack of self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy. It can also very simply be fear of failure.
What perfectionist need to learn is that perfectionism is not the same as the pursuit of excellence.
So how does one cure perfectionism?
Get Out of the Trap
First, if your perfectionism is so severe that it has damaged your relationships with others, consider seeking professional help. If you’re like me and simply drive yourself crazy with your perfectionism, here are some steps you might try.
- Admit you are a perfectionist. Go ahead. Face the mirror and admit it.
- What do you want to achieve? (by being perfect or by making this one thing perfect) Write down your answer so you can look at it objectively.
- Ask yourself what will happen if you DON’T achieve your goal? Make a list of all the negatives and the positives.
- What will happen if you DO achieve your goal? Who will notice? Write down your answer.
- Make the decision to change. Mirror time again. Look yourself in the eye.
- Take one thing at a time. Choose one thing to ‘get wrong.’ Allow yourself to feel how that feels. Write down what happened as a result of doing it ‘wrong.’
- Forgive yourself for not being perfect. It’s not a perfect world.
- Give yourself permission to strive for excellence without being perfect