It’s been 5 years since my beloved husband died. Five years of grief and joy. Five years of getting used to the quiet. Maybe that’s the wrong wording. Growing a tolerance for quiet.
In the first days after Bob’s death, I was lost. Not because I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted in life. But because my grief was all-encompassing and consumed all my energy. I wrote about my initial feelings shortly after my husband’s death and then a little more about how it felt after ninety days. I didn’t know what to do with or how to react to the sudden silence. Over time, I’ve learned to see silence differently.
Our Externally and Internally Noisy World
We live in a noisy world. Ours is a world that values noise. Lots of noise. Noise means we’re busy, productive, active, etc. There is a negative connotation to silence. It means we’re alone. We’re not productive.
Silence is so fearsome, we use it as punishment and put prisoners into an isolation cell where they can’t hear or speak to anyone. We use silence and noise as interrogation / torture techniques.
External Noises
Externally, there are noises characteristic of the animals or environment we are in. Some sounds are soft, and others are loud. Some sounds interfere with our lives; some are undesirable, and others are desirable.
There are many types of external noise:
- machinery (cars, jackhammers, heavy equipment, a running furnace or AC, etc.),
- natural sounds from birds, animals, rustling trees, wind,
- visual noise like busy social media feeds, or the visual clutter in a room, or the visual disruptions of construction and traffic and voices shouting.
- Tactile “noise”: the feel and sound of your clothing as you move, the feel and clack of a keyboard under your fingers, the temperature of the surrounding air, and so much more.
Internal Noises
Thoughts, feelings, and the internal workings of your brain are internal noise. These noises include things like:
- Your thoughts struggling with how to use opposing critiques you received,
- Music your brain is interpreting and/or singing along with,
- Random thoughts you have about what you’re going to have for dinner,
- Dread you feel before a confrontation with your teenager or colleague,
- Lists of shoulds and shouldn’ts, musts, and mustn’ts our brains feed us to keep us safe from the dangers of daily life or the dangers of exposing our true natures,
- An awareness of background sights and sounds, whether you are in an open office setting, driving your car on a busy highway, or at home with kids/spouse/roommate.
- And it’s your internal critical or negative thoughts about every minute thing you’ve done or said.
Just considering how much noise there is in our environment is exhausting. With that as our normal environment, no wonder we consider silence a frightful thing to be avoided.
The Harm of Noise
Research has shown that even low levels of constant external noise can cause physical harm to our bodies. Noise boosts our stress levels, which can lead to stress-related diseases like high blood pressure, heart attacks, ulcers, irritable bowel disease, a weakened immune system, headaches, and musculoskeletal tension and pain.
Internal noise is no better. The never-ending cycle of negative self-talk can lead to mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and insomnia, to mention a few.
In fact, the ceaseless external and internal noise around us triggers our freeze-fight-or-flight response. Noise doesn’t just trigger it; it can overload our freeze-fight-or-flight response. When that happens, our nervous system goes into overload, and a whole host of problems can happen to our physical and mental health.
If noise can do those things to us, and we fear silence more than we do noise, what does silence do to us? That may surprise you.
What if you learned that silence has the power to heal and the power to promote creativity?
What Is Silence?
First, let’s talk about what external silence and internal silence are. Pure external silence is the absence of noise in our environment. Internal silence is the absence of our chattering brain that tells us what we should do or how we should behave or why what we did was safe or not safe.
The Painful Power of Silence
Many people believe silence is only hurt. To them, silence means withdrawal of affection or attention. It can also be a conspiratorial silence that excludes you or plots to mistreat you. Used as punishment, silence can be so hurtful that we avoid silence at all costs.
My Fear of Silence
For the first year after my husband died, I would have agreed wholeheartedly. The external silence in the house felt like a danger to avoid at all costs. I used a white noise machine at night. Turned on the television and let it run all day so that someone—anyone’s—voice would fill the silence.
If I forgot to turn on either of those devices or was tired of them, I turned on music or random YouTube videos. The sound of voices comforted me. Made me feel less alone. But over time, those voices started sounding empty. And that emptiness became a different form of silence. It was as if it told me I was outside of human relationships.
I wasn’t. I had family and friends, and neighbors with whom I interacted. But my brain told me silence was an enemy, a danger, something to avoid, that even noise that had no connection or interaction was better than total silence.
Avoiding isn’t Silence
We humans have the amazing ability to avoid thinking about parts of our lives or experiences in order to save ourselves at the moment or from the pain of those thoughts or memories. We pretend that painful thing never existed. Sometimes, particularly as a child, that ability is life-saving. A way to protect ourselves from pain that is too much to bear at that stage of life.
But pretending something doesn’t exist. Pretending our negative thoughts don’t harm us. Pretending we don’t feel powerful emotions is harming us. We hold stress in our bodies, preferring to take a pill for an avoidable illness rather than process a difficult event or feelings. And that pain we kept silent will fester and grow like an abscess until it finds an outward path. That path could be fits of rage or depression or an ever-present dullness that erodes our ability to experience any emotion. And any of those paths can lead to an absence of creative thought.
The Healing Power of Silence
Throughout human history, there have been those who have recognized the power of silence. Socrates, Plato, and Buddha emphasized its significance in fostering self-awareness and gaining deeper insights into the human experience.
Silence is a source of great strength.” – Lao Tzu
According to Dr. Daniel Sullivan at The Cleveland Clinic, “We can use calm, quiet moments to tap into a different part of the nervous system that helps shut down our bodies’ physical response to stress.”
Studies have shown that meditation lowers heart rate and blood pressure, as well as giving those who practice meditation an overall sense of well-being.
Some research showed that working in silence led to lower cortisol levels compared to working while listening to speech, music, or noise.
In this noisy world we live in, if we don’t make silence a part of our lives, we risk burnout, increasing levels of stress, and increasing health risks.
True silence is the rest of the mind and is to the spirit what sleep is to the body: nourishment and refreshment.” — William Penn
Silence is the switch in our brains to return to its default settings. Meaning, your brain can calm down. A calmer brain leads to a calmer body. That silence enhances neuroplasticity, supports memory, focus, and emotional regulation.
Some researchers found that silent environments stimulate cell growth in the brain and may even support faster recovery after illness or surgery.
Silence Doesn’t Mean Silencing Emotions
Training to be a registered nurse, I had learned how silencing powerful emotions harmed people. I knew how to support my patients or my patient’s parents during the stressful medical and surgical situations they experienced. So I tried to treat myself with the same compassion. I allowed myself to grieve for a time. After that, I was over it, right? Uh, no. Unfortunately, grief has no expiration date.
But crying and being sad weren’t the only ways to process grief either. Slowly but surely, I began exploring silence. It wasn’t overnight, but I learned how powerful silence could be—not just for grief but for life. Learning to embrace silence fosters mindfulness and calmness, which helps in dealing with stressors, like grief, more gracefully. By embracing silence, I could re-center myself, experience my grief, and avoid being consumed and incapacitated by it. Silence also re-invigorated my creativity.
The Importance of Silence for Creativity
Creatives know the importance of “feeding their muse” with inspiration and information. Most of us know to shut off any pre-conceived ideas about how things are “supposed” to work so our creative mind can freely express itself. But what about silence?
Silence allows time and space for self-reflection, for processing information more deeply, and for gaining emotional clarity. Increases patience and concentration.
Be alone, that is the secret of invention; be alone, that is when ideas are born.” — Nikola Tesla
Solitude and silence allow your brain to fill problem gaps with unexpected connections, insights, and new ideas. You may have more profound thoughts.
Without great solitude, no serious work is possible.” — Pablo Picasso
Find Your Moments of Silence
You can meditate if you choose. There are even apps with guided meditations to help you. But meditation is not necessary. Periods of silence don’t have to be total silence. You can sip coffee in the early morning when your house is at its quietest. You can walk alone, listening to the birds, squirrels, and the wind. Or you can sit in a quiet library or church. It’s about stopping as much noise as possible so your brain can quiet down and reset.
According to research, in quiet environments the brain activates the parts of your brain linked to daydreaming, memory recall, and imaginative thinking. Those are parts critical for creativity.
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.” Khalil Gibran
Set a timer for one minute once a day. During that minute, just sit without distractions, just space to let your mind roam. Over time, you’ll find you crave that solitude and silence. Slowly increase the time you dedicate to silence. Steal ten minutes before breakfast, during your lunch break, or after the kids go to bed. Do it once a day, then twice a day. Just two minutes a day is helpful. Thirty minutes twice a day could supercharge your creativity.
You may find sound-dampening curtains or noise-cancelling headphones helpful. There are even portable and modular sound booths if you have the financial or DIY resources for those.
It’s Been Five Years
I’m not saying that silence made my grief disappear. Five years later grief still stirs, catches me off guard. But I’ve learned to re-frame my thoughts. Instead of focusing on being alone, I remind myself that solitude is a necessary part of creativity. I turn to silence to reflect, remember, and be inspired by my memories—even when sometimes they make me sad.
Music is pleasing not only because of the sound but because of the silence that is in it: without the alternation of sound and silence there would be no rhythm.” —Thomas Merton
Will you practice silence for your creativity? How?
Resources:
The Positive Psychology People
Image Credits:
Featured image by Elisa from Pixabay
Second image by Andreas H. from Pixabay
Third image purchased from DepositPhotos.com
Fourth image by InsightPhotography from Pixabay
Final image by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi from Pixabay