In my year-end review process I go through my old journals to get a sense of where I was last year and five years ago. It helps me to see what my goals were, what I’ve accomplished, and where my goals changed. This year something I wrote five years ago, caught my attention. I don’t remember the details but can read between the lines. I had said something out loud about my dream of being a successful writer and it paralyzed me for a while. It’s been a rough year–again. But the little free verse that I wrote five years ago speaks to me today about more than my writing. What is bad will be better tomorrow.
I Dreamed and was Afraid
I dreamed aloud today. I boasted of my writing abilities.
And I grew afraid. I’m not that good.
And I wasn’t.
I dreamed a quiet dream. And I whispered I will try.
And still I was afraid.
But I tried.
And words meandered across the page.
I stopped dreaming. And I wrote.
I was still afraid.
But I did it anyway.
And words marched and plodded and stumbled and fell.
It wasn’t that good.
But it was getting better.
I dreamed on paper today.
And the words sailed and danced across the page.
What was good was very good.
And what was bad, will be better when I dream again.
Lynette M Burrows
©April 5, 2013
It makes me smile today. Am I living the dream? Yes and no. I’m not famous. I’m certainly not making much money. But I’m doing what I love every day. And the last two lines apply to more than my writing. It’s the optimist in me. I tend to see life as mostly good–even when bad things happen. Because what is good, is very good. How about you? Do you keep journals? Do you ever look back and find a small gem? Do you think what is bad will be better tomorrow?
Never could get in the habit of keeping a journal – it would sure make those year-end Christmas card newsletter easier! I do keep a Weekly Status Report on my writing, but all that tells me is which weeks I had too much fatigue or other stuff going on to write.
Hahaha! I don’t necessarily journal every day, but I usually manage to get in a fews notes each month. I’ve never been able to get the Christmas card newsletter thing going on a consistent basis. lol–we all have our own challenges.