Life – It’s a Balancing Act – Really!

Many people are struggling right now. I’m speaking particularly of folks in the US, but I see signs of it in many other places. If life seems uncertain, that’s because it is. More so in some places and times in the world than others, but still we all seem to think we ought to control our lives better. To balance our work and the rest of our life as if balance is a steady state we can achieve and keep indefinitely.

What Is Balance?

Are you someone who seeks to achieve a work-life balance? Even if you’re not, you’ve heard the phrase. You may have wondered what it meant or whether you should find a better balance in your life. 

Think about what you mean when you make work-life balance one of your goals. According to Merriam-Webster, the word balance has many meanings in English:

1a: physical equilibrium

trouble keeping your balance on a sailboat

lost his balance and fell

a boxer kept off balance for a whole round

b: the ability to retain one’s balance

Gymnasts must have a good sense of balance.

2a: stability produced by even distribution of weight on each side of the vertical axis

when the two sides of the scale are in balance

tipped the statue off balance

b: equipoise between contrasting, opposing, or interacting elements

… the balance we strike between security and freedom.—Earl Warren

Both parties were interviewed to provide balance in the report.

the right balance of diet and exercise

c accounting: equality between the totals of the two sides of an account

3a: an aesthetically pleasing integration of elements

achieving balance in a work of art

b grammar: the juxtaposition in writing of syntactically parallel (see PARALLEL entry 1 sense 3c) constructions containing similar or contrasting ideas (such as “to err is human; to forgive, divine”)

4a accounting: an amount in excess especially on the credit side of an account

has a comfortable balance in the bank

You must maintain a minimum balance of $1000 in your account to avoid fees.

b: weight or force of one side in excess of another

The balance of the evidence lay on the side of the defendant.

c: something left over: REMAINDER

answers will be given in the balance of this chapter—R. W. Murray

5: mental and emotional steadiness

I doubt that Thoreau would be thrown off balance by the fantastic sights and sounds of the 20th century.—E. B. White

6: an instrument for weighing: such as

a: a beam that is supported freely in the center and has two pans of equal weight suspended from its ends

b: a device that uses the elasticity of a spiral spring for measuring weight or force

7: a means of judging or deciding

the balance of a free election

8: a counterbalancing weight, force, or influence

The comedic character serves as a balance to the serious subject matter of the play.

9: an oscillating wheel operating with a hairspring to regulate the movement of a timepiece

a watch’s balance

We can rule out some of the above easily, but there are still several choices of meaning. And what you mean subconsciously and consciously can make your goal unachievable. Especially if what you really mean is you want to control your life. Control is not balance. Balance is not control.

It’s A Misnomer

The biggest problem with the idea of work-life balance is that it assumes work and life are two separate and equal things. They are not. Neither life nor work is like a see-saw or the bricks in the video above. For most of us, it isn’t that compartmentalized. Few, if any of us, can keep our thoughts solely on work for eight uninterrupted hours each day, then not think of it again until the following workday. Our brains don’t work that way. We worry, ruminate, re-play arguments, miss our family, and think about so many other things. Our lives don’t work that way.

Whether you are a farmer, a retiree, or a stay-at-home parent or an executive, work is part of life. And you carry your personal life with you no matter what work you do. You can try, but even the personalities that appear capable of compartmentalizing their lives cannot completely separate work and life. They are both part of our state of being.

It Assumes There’s a Right and a Wrong Way

By making “balance” a goal, you’ve assumed that there’s a right and a wrong way to live your life. That if you do it “right,” you’ll achieve balance and if you do it “wrong,” you’ll—be miserable or some other tragic thing. You assume some people are living “the right way” and so they have achieved work-life balance. They may be living the right way for them, but that does not mean it’s the right way for you to live.

It Assumes Balance Is A Static State

Even the performers who can balance perfectly with the right partner, or the right objects, don’t stay in that state forever. They can’t. Some of you may point out that Kummakivi balancing rock in Finland (pictured above) is one of the oldest, if not the oldest, naturally balanced rock formation, estimated to be 11,000-12,000 years old. This is true, but eventually weather, water, and time will erode the rocks and the rocks will fall. Besides, was your goal to be a non-living thing in isolation for 10,000 years? Didn’t think so.

Watch balancing acts on YouTube. The performers rarely are unmoving. They react to the objects beneath them or above them. Have you played the balance game, Jenga? How long before the pieces tumble? The state of balance doesn’t last. Things happen. Suddenly, you are juggling more than one thing at a time.

Life is Chaotic and Messy

Life can seem static in that you go to work, come home, fix dinner, and go to bed day after day. But priorities change. They change when a family member gets sick or you lose your job or you get a promotion. When the power goes out in a storm and is out for days, you’ll have different priorities. Or a flat tire will change your priority from getting to a place to getting the tire changed. Some changes you can prepare for. Some will catch you off guard.

If you let it, life’s chaos will divert your attention from the things you want to do and from the ones you love. How do you handle it?

Know Your Core Values

Your core values are the things that are most important to you in your life. Core values may fluctuate when you are young, but as you mature, they become stable. They do not change. You con’t check them off like a to-do list. They are a daily practice. Something you may do without even thinking about it, because it’s that ingrained.

To know your core values, you must understand what they are. Your values are things like order, service, relationships, positivity, structure, tradition, spontaneity, spirituality, quiet, security, and lots more. If you don’t know what your core values are, give it some thought there are ways to discover them.

• Ask yourself:
  • What is it that makes you feel whole? 
  • What things, events, persons trigger a strong emotional response in you?
  • What is it you admire in another person?
• 2. Read a list of core values, circle any that feel important to you. Narrow that list down to the top five.
• 3. Take a personality test.
• 4. Ask trusted friends what values they see in you.

Test Your List

Differentiate your core values from your intentions and your goals. Remember, core values are the things that matter most to you in your life. Intentions are about what you want to be or to do. Goals are tangible outcomes you can work toward, complete, and move on to another goal when you complete the first one.

Your core values are a rudder, a guidepost for your life. If you intentionally make choices based on your values, you will find a sense of harmony or peace with your life. 

Example:

Work-life balance is a goal.

Security is a value.

I want to be a more reliable person who shows up on time every time is an intention.

Example:

If relationships are one of your core values, you may choose to turn down a promotion because it would take time away from your relationships.

Understanding your core value allows you to make a choice you’ll feel at peace with.

What About Balance?

If you insist on calling it balance, okay. But stop thinking of it as a static place to live. Think of balance as a place to visit from time to time. Realize that in order to visit this place of balance, you have to be flexible enough to prepare. If you plan a vacation, prepare for it. You ask for the time off from work and you get tasks done ahead of time. You buy train or plane tickets, etc.

A Different Way to Think About Balance

Stop thinking about it as a life-work balance. Call it your life (or life-balance if you must use the word balance). Don’t hold work as something separate that’s not part of you or your life. Work is life, at least a part of it. 

Be flexible. Don’t think about work and life as opposing forces or hours in the day. The feeling I think you’re looking for is that you have a choice. So decide that today, this minute, you are going to choose to give effort to this thing called work, or this thing called life. Oh, I can hear you now. You’re thinking that your boss or supervisor choose the hours you have to work. Okay. Yes, that’s a reality for many people.

But you made a choice to work for a reason(s). Even if that reason is to make money so you can pay your bills, that is a choice you made. A choice you had the power to make. You could choose to be jobless. Is that a realistic choice? Not for most of us. But choosing to work a job to make money over not having money is a choice.

This is why I encourage you to understand what your core values are. If you choose a job that aligns with your core values, it will be easier to accept that this is my choice to do this now. And to understand that you have a choice of what you do after work or between work hours. And when you make choices based on your core values, you will move toward that feeling of peace or balance that you are seeking.

Example

If you know you’ll be working extra hard to reach a deadline, choose to fix prepared foods (stuff you meal prepped, frozen meals, whatever) until you’ve got more free time. Change your daily hour long workout to a half-hour or twenty-minutes for the duration. Look for ways to allow yourself to de-stress or disconnect from work with a visit with a friend, or a walk through the park. Choose an activity that aligns with one of your core values. Even five or ten minutes of this kind of flexibility can help you feel in control even when you’re not. 

Take Time to Take Care of You

Fun isn’t just for off hours or weekends. Treating things you love to do, things that are good for your mental health, your spirit, your soul as “things to do IF YOU HAVE TIME” is not compatible with feeling balanced or whole or in harmony. Take the time to have fun whatever fun means to you. 

Make Time for Connections

Loneliness can make life feel out-of-balance. So look at your core values. What kinds of relationships feel important to you? Make connections with those kinds of people. Plan time to be with them. Even a zoom call can help.

Take Time for Silliness

Okay, not everyone finds value in silliness. But take time for whatever brings you joy. Joy is an antidote to feeling unbalanced.

Laugh even when things are upside down

No matter how small you feel compared to the things that keep you from putting your best foot forward, a smile will lift you up.

Remember to Celebrate

Recognize what you’ve accomplished: the milestones, the successes, the learning that you’ve done, no matter how small. It’s important.

Replenish

Most importantly, take a breath. Take time to replenish your spirit and soul in small ways when in a time crunch, but make it a priority. When you take care of you, you’ll feel the difference.

Find Harmony

It’s a balancing act, this thing we call life.

If in your struggle to find balance, you take the time to discover your core values and focus on making choices that align with them; I am certain that you will find…

You’ve soared higher than you think

Life is full of ups and downs and twists and turns. But use your core values to guide your choices. Make intentional choices and you can enjoy your balancing act and fly high.

References

Psychology Today 

The RIGHT Way to Do Work-Life Balance | Simon Sinek

Image Credits:

Featured Image: purchased from DepositPhotos

Second Image: Petritap, CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons

Photos of Children: property of Lynette M. Burrows, copyrights belong to original photographers.

Final Image: by Marzena P. from Pixabay