When I Give Up is the Best Choice

Never give up. Never surrender. Noble words. But don’t you wonder if sometimes it’s okay to be too tired, too overwhelmed, too done? It is more than okay. Sometimes crying, screaming, or saying I give up is the best choice for you. But persistence is the key to success, you argue. Yes, persistence plays a huge part in success. But, there times when the goal you’ve been working so hard to achieve is beyond your reach. It may be bad timing. There may be a crisis in your life that requires all your energy and time. Maybe the goal simply isn’t right for you any longer. Or, you may have made a wrong-for-you choice.  Have you heard of Survivorship Bias? It’s a psychological term that labels a blind spot we all have a cognitive bias. We overestimate our chances of success because we overlook or ignore the failures. We tell ourselves that if we focus on success, we will succeed.   I have met many entrepreneurs who have the passion and even the work ethic to succeed – but who are so obsessed with an idea that they don’t see its obvious flaws. Think about that. If you can’t even acknowledge […]

Why You Should Fail People Pleasing

When your friend calls and asks a favor, do you say yes even when you’re too busy? Do you agree to whatever your friend or date or partner suggests you do for the weekend? Or when you boss asks you to do a little something extra, do you put aside your plans and do it? Are you failing at what’s most important in your life? Chances are that you are a people pleaser. And this is why you should fail people pleasing. Identify Your Priorities Most of us have multiple priorities: an education, a family, a home, a job, a vocation, a dream. Add the things on our to-do list and the list can go on and on and on. Welcome to the land of overwhelm. Stop. Focus. Choose up to three primary priorities. Seriously. But how, you ask?  Use a hierarchy of needs.  A Hierarchy of Needs Abraham Harold Maslow was a psychologist who created a theory of psychological health. It’s called Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. (Here’s a detailed explanation.) Represented by a triangle, his theory of motivations starts at the base with fulfilling basic human needs. Once you meet those needs, you move up on the pyramid. Am I suggesting […]

Look Hate in the Face and Love

As a writer, I try to write truthfully. Not the Truth, but a truth. Each of us carries the Truth and a truth our entire lives. The Truth, in my mind, is something factual or scientific. A truth is the real experience of an individual. Perception plays a large part in a truth but that does not negate it. So as a writer, I research people who hate so I can write their truth. And in doing that, I discover I must look hate in the face and love that character. When I look deeper? I must look hate in the face and love. Period. Truth or Fact In philosophy, what I call Truth with a capital T is Fact. The use truth and fact as synonymous is misleading. Facts are inarguable. Fire is hot. It is a fact that fire is hot. My perception is also that fire is hot. But I also say my coffee is hot. This is partially fact and partially perception. If I spilled my freshly made coffee onto my hand, it would scald me. Therefore, my coffee is hot is a fact. But I like my coffee with a little cream and I wait […]