life - Lynette M. Burrows

I Surrender!

Some days I just don’t give a damn. I’m tired. I’ve battled the demons of the day job, the emotional toll of being a caregiver, the chores of home ownership, and I’ve wrangled words on paper and by the end of the week, I’m done. I surrender.

Today is one of those days. I’m pissed off that last night’s storm knocked more deadfall to the ground. I just can’t face the puddles of rainwater in my basement. I don’t care if mold will grow in the corners. And don’t get me started on the piles of laundry and dishes and dust and. . ..

Do your lists of things to do grow at an alarming rate? Mine do. And it is exhausting. So what do you do? I don’t know about you but there are days when I give up. I surrender to the weight of ALL THE THINGS and I throw myself down on the floor, kicking and screaming “I don’t wanna!” (Okay, not literally, but it’s how I feel.)

IT’S NOT LAZINESS

I’d berate myself when I did this. I was lazy, a cry-baby. I was inadequate for the job of adulting. What a load of $#!%.

Life can be hard. Life can, and often does, pull the unexpected surprise. And some of us pile on more SHOULDS than is humanly possible. I’m particularly bad at that. I’d go and go and go until I was so exhausted and overwhelmed that I’d collapse. Slowly, I’ve learned that when I reach the “Waa, I don’t wanna” stage, I’ve been pushing myself too hard. It’s time for a break.

TAKE A BREAK

Taking a break doesn’t need to mean taking a whole day off. Sometimes taking the whole day would mean wrecking other plans or interfering with deadlines I cannot ignore. Taking a break means be kind to yourself. Reward yourself. When time is precious I’ll indulge in a special snack or beverage. Reserve these foods and drinks as special, otherwise, it won’t feel like a treat.

Willing to spend twenty minutes or more? Take a bubble bath. Go for a walk in a place that feeds your soul. Gaze at the stars. Take a nap.

Need a longer break? Read a book (best, re-read an old favorite!) Visit a museum. Go to a concert or a movie. And at least once a year, turn off, tune out, and take a week or more to explore people and places.

UNDERSTAND

Understand why your body, your soul needs a break. This, too, is part of life. It’s not something you need to forgive. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’re re-energizing, getting yourself ready for the next wave.

If you find yourself taking an extended break or too many breaks, examine your why. Perhaps the thing you are avoiding is a thing you don’t need to do. Maybe you’ve been too long without a break. Or you are resisting for other reasons. Once you understand why, You’ll be able to move forward, to jump back in.

JUMP BACK IN

The key to making this reward system work is to jump back on the tracks after your break is over. And next time, don’t wait so long between breaks. It will make doing ALL THE THINGS so much easier.

I’ve finished my latte, so it’s back to the soggy basement for me. What do you do to reward yourself, to take a break, when you surrender to all the things?

Writing the Hard Stuff

When I say writing the hard stuff, I don’t mean porn or description or character or plot. The most difficult things to write are those things that come from our deepest, darkest places. The places we hide from most of the time.

I recently wrote a scene meant to tap into that place in myself. An hour and a half later, a mere 550 words had me trembling with fatigue and sick to my stomach. Yup. It was that dark of a place. Inside me!

We all have those places. That side of us that we like to pretend doesn’t exist. It’s dangerous to touch those places of fear, loathing, hate, or even fierce love. Most of us like to think we are genuinely nice people. I know I do. Yet, I have dark corners in my psyche.

So what do you do? First, do you like to read about characters who have to face a piece of their own darkness, their own demons? Is that the kind of story you aspire to write? To write that kind of scene, to make the scene come alive, you have to be willing to write the hard stuff. You have to be willing to expose yourself to your readers.

You may want to journal about that dark corner of your psyche first. That allows you to be very personal. Give yourself a break–chocolate and buying something sparkly can help. (I don’t know where I got that idea!) After some time passes, re-read your journal entry and re-imagine it in terms of how it applies to your character. Then write.

I’ve put off writing my scene FOREVER. It was a scary place to go. Having written the scene I can say that it is dark and awful and . . . not 100% me. How can that be? Because while I drew from my experiences to create my characters, I gave them traits I do not have. Those traits subtly change my dark thoughts and memories into something different. It will work that way for you, too.

What about the feeling vulnerable and exposed? Will someone ask if you actually lived that scene? Maybe. What should you do or say? I can’t really tell you how to protect yourself. As for me . . . I plan to smile and say “Only in my nightmares.” And, “If you thought that one was bad, wait ’till you read the next one!”

Do you visit dark places in your reading? Do you reach into the dark corners of your psyche when you write? How do you get through it? Or do you shy away from the dark side entirely?

Image:”Life is Hard” via Flickr Creative Commons, courtesy of Anne Helmond

The Wormhole of Wrecked Resolutions

Hello! I’m back from the wormhole of wrecked resolutions.

*Crickets*

Well, I can’t blame you. I’ve been gone a long time. Where was I? I was lost in a wormhole.

According to space.com, a wormhole is a theoretic passage through time and space that could create shortcuts across the universe. This wormhole was first proposed by Albert Einstein and Nathan Rosen in the theory of relativity. They thought of it as a bridge. Well, let me tell you, wormholes can have mighty long bridges. Life handed me a one-way ticket through a wormhole about two years ago.

Scientists speculate that it takes negative energy to keep a wormhole open. Check. I’ve had my share of negative energy ranging from having to say goodbye to beloved pets to hated-but-required tasks of the day job, to housework (oh, the waste of time!), and the nightmare and heartache of a loved one’s life-limiting illness. My resolutions, my goals, slid out of sight as I trudged one foot in front of the other, trying to make it through to the other side of the wormhole.

Yet, in the quantum foam that formed my wormhole there existed moments of awesomeness. I attended a life-changing Master Immersion Class with Margie Lawson and participated in an online FAB 30 class. I experienced the joy of my son’s wedding, a grandson’s enthusiastic exploration of the day, critique partners who cheered me on in my writing journey, and quiet moments of tenderness with loved ones. But in my travels through the wormhole, I found I was missing something.

You see, when life handed me the ticket through the wormhole, I battened down the hatches to focus on two things: my writing and my family. I didn’t want to look back and regret not having been there for the moments my beloved and I had left.

Those moments have been precious. I wouldn’t trade any of them. Not even the “negative” ones for without them my “positive” moments would have been less shiny (and I do love shiny!) I will not ignore those moments ever again. I know that now. But in my anxiety to be certain I didn’t miss those, I missed a whole bunch of moments with you folk, my readers, classmates, and friends. My bad. My deepest apologies to all of you.

I’m still on that bridge through the wormhole. It’s not a flat bridge. It’s not a yellow-brick road to the land of Oz. There will be times when I post irregularly. But I won’t ignore the online moments anymore. My moments with you are a valued part of the wondrous trip through the wormhole we call life. I don’t want to miss any of them.

Have you ever been lost in a wormhole? Please, take a moment and, in the comments below, share one of your wormhole moments.

Fools Risk Magic

Happy April Fools’ or, if you prefer the older name, Happy All Fools’ Day! This is one of my favorite holidays of the year. Not because of the silly tricks and deceptions people pull on each other, but because it reminds me to take risks. I’m not talking about risking money or life and limb but about risking your heart and soul. The kind of risk that might mean pain and rejection. You might end up feeling foolish or stupid. But if you don’t take the risk you will miss the opportunity to make magic happen in your writing and in your life. Read on to learn how I learned to risk magic.

TAKE THE RISK

Years ago, after an acrimonious divorce, I was a single parent struggling to balance a job, parenting, and a life. I decided that meant I had to protect myself from risks. But centering everything around my middle-grade son meant I was holding him too close and denying myself adult-level conversations. So I took my first risk and joined a brick and mortar dating service.

I chose a service where I could keep the risk low. All members of this service underwent background checks and no one got my last name or phone number unless I first approved it. First dates arranged via snail-mail notes sent through the service. And I had a lot of dates. No commitments, just dinner, and a movie. That was the way I wanted it. Low risk.

Then, I received a note illustrated by an artist. His invitation to meet also included a suggestion that we could tell stories together. I was intrigued.

I met him at a local Tex-Mex restaurant. His name was Bob. The awkward ‘tell-me-a-little-about-yourself’ exchange segued into a discussion of the creative process. I was amazed that he ‘got it.’ We talked until we were the last remaining customers and the restaurant was locking the doors.

I knew our next conversation would be equally fascinating. But days passed and it was a week and he didn’t call. I bemoaned this fact to my girlfriend who suggested that I ask him for a date. Oh, no. I couldn’t risk it. I wasn’t that progressive, nor that confident. But when she suggested I write him a thank you note for the lovely dinner, that was a risk I could take. And I did.

He called the day he got the note. He’d also enjoyed the conversation and had thought we’d had a lovely time until the evening ended. We had left the table and gone to the front desk, where he had paused to pay the bill. When he turned around, I was gone. Vanished.

When he told me that I realized I could not remember saying goodnight. Yup. My risk-aversion had raised its fearful head and ‘we’ skedaddled out of there!

Fortunately, Bob risked a second chance. More dates followed. We risked showing each other our true hearts, our fears, and our dreams. And by taking that risk, the magic began to happen.

RISK YOUR HEART & SOUL

Having been foolish enough to think that I could live a life without risk, it seemed only natural to marry on April Fools’ day. And, of course, it was only natural to share our story with our friends.

Lynette M. Burrows science fiction author; Lynette M. Burrows action-suspense science fiction author. — Written by Lynette M. and Robert W. Burrows. Illustrated by R. W. Burrows. We partied after the honeymoon.

That was the beginning of our story. We’re still writing and illustrating. And it’s still magic. But we couldn’t live this story until we each took a few risks.

Writing is a lot like that. Your scribbles (or pixelated words) can fill volumes, but until you risk your heart and soul your story won’t come alive.

EMBRACE THE RISK

Be willing to be a fool. Don’t let your fear of showing too much censor your words. Unfetter your emotions, your memories, your pain, and your joy. Let it spill onto the page. Put your heart and soul on the line. Embrace the risk. It will change your life. And, if you risk magic, if you’re lucky, you find . . . magic.

~oOo~

Share the magic!

What risks have you taken in your life? In your writing?

P.S. Because this post was date related, the next “Going to Mars: Word by Word” post featuring Greg Bear’s _Forge of God_ will be presented Monday, April 8th.Oh, and I won’t respond to your comments until April 2nd. I’m gonna risk magic again. I’ve got an anniversary to celebrate!